Thursday, September 23, 2010

More unformulated stuff

“You’re hurt!” exclaimed Aelwys, but Mother hushed her.
“It will take care of itself,” she replied, “but we have to take care of ourselves. We can’t stay here long.” A great thunderclap rumbled, and the rain began to raise a considerable din for its fierceness, but neither could disturb Aelwys now.
Mother removed from her bag a small loaf of dark, seedy bread, which she broke in two, and offered half to Aelwys, who accepted hungrily. She nearly had taken a bite of it before she remembered her manners, and looked to her mother, waiting for her to take the first bite. Mother’s mouth curved into a little smile, but she said nothing. She urged her daughter to eat first.
“Where will we go?” asked Aelwys before taking a bite.
“Somewhere safer,” she said, “An island not far from here, where we can find a ship bound west. There, we will find an embassy of Ceadlund.”
“And when we get to Ceadlund?”
“Well,” said Mother, “when we get to Ceadlund, we will be safe from all of this.”
They ate in silence for a few more moments, when Aelwys asked in a small voice,
“Mother, is it true what the chieftains are saying about you?” Mother’s lip curved into a small smile, and she asked,
“Do you think it’s true?”
“I hope it isn’t,” Aelwys said earnestly, “they really aren’t telling the truth, are they? They can’t be! But then,” she paused, not wanting to speak, but wanting much less to hold back her worry, “where did you learn to do the things you can do? The fire, you lit it without stones or kindling!”
“Aelwys,” Mother said calmly, “I am not a witch.” She reached again into her bag and removed a number of rods like the one she had ignited so mysteriously. “There is no magic in this. It's simply cunning work of alchemy our friends taught me.”
“But the chieftains said that the Veagars are a clan of witches,” Aelwys said, frowning, “and that no good can come from them.”
“The chieftains have said quite a lot of nonsense these days,” Mother mused, replacing the rods in the bag, “and they don't seem to be able to recognize friends of old from the demons that they now fear so much. The Veagars have given much to you and me, including the bread you are eating.” At this, Aelwys looked queerly at the bread in her hand as if she suspected it might be poisoned. Mother laughed, and Aelwys began to feel that she was being silly. Perhaps Mother was right.
“Aelwys, do you remember when we you were younger, we spent the Dyreceald with your Uncle among the Veagars?” Aelwys nodded. “Did you see any evil among them?”
“I don't remember,” she confessed.
“Because you did not see any. You would remember if you had seen evil.”
“I suppose,” Aelwys said. She did not want to show how worried this had made her, so she tried not to show how much Mother's words had eased her mind.
“They are our friends,” Mother said, “they helped us escape the king's officers, they gave us this food and a few trinkets to make easier our journey. And don't you forget, Aelwys, your kinsmen rank amongst the Veagars.”
“I suppose,” Aelwys said again, feeling weary and spent now her mind was somewhat more at rest. Mother bade her sleep and gave her her thick woolen shawl for a pillow.
“Won't you sleep, too?” asked Aelwys.
“No,” said Mother, “I will keep watch.”

4 comments:

  1. Good fantasy. I Like the word-building.

    I like how her mother's lip curved into a smile, but it happened twice. You should probably take one of those out.

    I love the description of the bread, and the feeling we get about the relationship between the mother and daughter. Also the conflict she feels... what she's been taught by the culture she lives in vs her mother.

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  2. I meant WORLD building... sorry...

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  3. I love the beginning here. As I've said, it's plain and simple, not too complicated and overloaded with information. That's hard to do in fantasy! A lot of authors will just give a full, in-depth explanation of how the magic system works, what the world situation is....it's a very tedious practice.

    I like how you described the fire-lighting as not being 'magic'. That makes me curious as to what she means by 'alchemy'.

    But, I have to agree, the 'curled up into a small smile' was mentioned twice. You might want to fix that......

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  4. Thanks for noticing that for me... that sort of thing, coupled with, rather than writing out a full word, simply typing the first letter of the word, are two of my biggest typos...

    So far, alchemy in this is mostly just chemistry. The Veagars apparently have a reputation for coming up with all kinds of things like fire-lighting just through cunning application of primitive science (e.g. those are basically big long matches she's using). I think I'm going to let them have a basic understanding of gunpowder, and may eventually use cannon-like things. They'll also be pretty skilled in apothecary and the like, I think.

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