THE ULTIMATE DISNEY DEATHMATCH!
Our contestants have been training ever since their movies were premiered and they've basically been out of a job, not counting cameo appearances at various Disney theme parks worldwide, each an incredible getaway at a reasonable price, perfect for honeymoons, family vacations, and any special events you might ever plan, ever!
Anticipation has been visibly filling the atmosphere for the inaugural match, round one, section A!
Anticipation has been visibly filling the atmosphere for the inaugural match, round one, section A!
The battlegrounds, chosen at random to ensure maximum impartiality, are assigned to each class for the first two rounds! This setting is one seen in the beloved family classic, The Lion King --
THE ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD!
Contestant A will be none other than The Little Mermaid's dynamic duo,
FLOTSAM AND JETSOM!!!
They are eels.
Fortunately the rules of the tournament permit that non-land-based contestants to "swim" through the air, as it were, ha, ha! That totally makes it fair.
They look pretty sure of themselves, but who can tell if it's well-founded faith, or short-sighted overconfidence? For they might have quite a fight in front of them, depending on the other contestant, which, I have just been informed, will be from Disney's lovable classic, Dumbo, namely,
DUMBO!!!
Let the match begin!
JAG: Okay, Bill, so, before anything really happens, what do you think is going to go down in this match?
BILL: Your name has me snorting down unintentional guffaws, Jagghhhrhrhrhrrr!
JAG: Wait! Flotsam and Jetsom are circling around Dumbo! What's the little elephant doing?
BILL: Well, Jarrrrgghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
JAG: One would think the little guy, being as he is an elephant, can take on a few fishes! He's got more than double their combined bodymass and weight, so this ought to be an easy fight.
BILL: Well, look at his eyes: he seems somewhat intimidated by his surroundings.
JAG: Yeah... I see that now. They are in an elephant graveyard.
BILL: And to judge from the eels' eyes, they seem to have picked up on this fact, too. You know, I think OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!
JAG: DUMBO, LOOK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUTTTTT
--------========== We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Please Stay Tuned While We Resolve This Problem That Definitely Isn't Live Censorship. ==========--------
JAG: OH MY HECK, BILL!
BILL: Where are you from?
JAG: Look at that!
*Camera zooms in on scene. No-one recognizable is visible. Only elephant skeletons. There appears to be one more skeleton than normal. There is an adorable yellow hat on one of the skulls.*
BILL: Well, I guess the indisputable winner is FLOTSAM AND JETSOM!
JAG: The winnerS ARE Flotsam and Jetsom.
BILL: Whatever, Jagghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrharrrrrrrrrr
Provo. He's from Provo.
ReplyDeletePoor dumbo. Never stood a chance...fighting floating eels in an elephant graveyard.
So wha'd they do... electrocute him to death, or just take tiny bites until they nipped his cute lil carcass clean?
I'm going with the latter. They seem to be the nipping type.
ReplyDeleteWell, we didn't really have the heart to decide exactly how this one went down, but it was bad enough that Disney censored it.
ReplyDelete