The dark water lapped upon the rocks in steady rhythm while the wind carried to Aelwys’ nose the scent of the ocean. She sat, afraid and anxious, awaiting the storm, when her mother had promised to find her. A distant thunderclap further weighted the heavy air, and Aelwys wrapped her arms around her knees for warmth. In the alcove of the rock where she sat, she silently prayed for comfort. The speed of the winds strengthened. In a moment, the moonlight faded as clouds rolled in to hide it, and the first of the raindrops pelted her face. The lapping of the waves became a crashing as more turbulent winds carried them with greater force. In alarm, she looked back to the shore – perhaps Mother was already coming – and there, yet a distance away on the beach, came a figure hurrying toward her, carrying a bag in hand. Suddenly all was illuminated by a flash of lightning and deafened in thunder. In the flash of light Aelwys could see Mother’s long black braids trailing behind her in the wind. Within a minute, Mother had arrived, and she embraced Aelwys, melting her fears and filling her with warmth. Mother took her hand and led her to a small cave in the rock side, and they crawled inside where the storm would not disturb them.
Within the cave they sat in a damp darkness, though drier and less frigid than without. The wind whistled across the mouth of the cave with building force, occasionally gusting inside and ruffling their winter clothes. Though it was too dark to see clearly, she saw her mother’s silhouette reach into her bag and withdraw something. She made a strange motion with her hands, and suddenly the cave was flooded with warm light, coming from a bright flame on the edge of a long, very thin wooden rod she held in her fingers. Quickly, she reached into her bag again, withdrew a candle, and lit it. She brought the flaming end of the rod to her lips and blew it out, then tossed the smoking rod aside. She then took a good look at her daughter. In the light, Aelwys could now see that her mother had a deep cut, still bleeding, above her left eye.
“You’re hurt!” exclaimed Aelwys, but Mother hushed her.
I think one of the hardest things to accomplish in a fantasy or sci-fi novel is a decent beginning. Most authors tend to overdue it a bit - well, you know, it's the first look you get at the book, they want it to look good.
ReplyDeleteSuffice it to say, you made this very nice and simple. PLEASE continue....
OVERDO! I meant to say OVERDO!
ReplyDeleteGah, you know what I meant.
I like it. We are immediately taken into the security of the relationship between mother and daughter--that is to say, we feel Aelwys deep security with her mother, in spite of the danger that surrounds them (which is obvious, even though you haven't mentioned what the danger was.)
ReplyDeleteone question: is Aelwys pronounced kind of like Elvis???
Actually, yes (something like Elvis)! See, I'm a predicament: I liked the scene. It was one of those scene-things that pops into your head. So I wrote it out. Now I'm kinda not sure what to do with it! (Thnx for the comments, btw)
ReplyDelete