Prologe (redo)
I am Luthe.
My brother's name is Tam. My sister's name is Rhia.
I do not remember my father's and mother's names. I do not even really remember the town we lived in, until the invaders came and destroyed it. It's so strange, since I lived there until I was 20 years old.
I suppose I never felt it was truly my home to begin with. I had always had the mark of a foreigner, for my mother's father was a foreigner - a Guladeen, a native of Gulaya, far away from my home country of Freydis.
My grandfather died when I was starting to grow as tall as my brother, but I still remember him clearly. Or rather, I remember a story he told me. I don't remember when, or where, or why, but I remember this story, and my grandfather's gaunt, bearded face, lighting up as he spoke:
Once, there was a war.
All wars are horrific, but this one seemed to grow and grow until it dominated over everything else, and no one could escape it.
At the head of this war was a General, a man with a great mind and a cold heart. He killed without remorse, without so much as a flinch. His face was always calm, always composed, even as he slaughtered soldier after villager after child. It was for this reason that throughout the land, he was known as the Stone Man - the one who carried no consciounse, no pity, not even an ounce of human kindness.
The war was coming to its head - one small country remained, still fighting: Gulaya. The Guladeens, although small in number, were valorous and strong, and they fought fiercely for their home. Thus far, as the Stone General's army were occupied with conquering the larger and wealthier countries, Gulaya had managed to keep off the invading soldiers. Now, however, with only this one little speck of a country left to dominate, the General swooped in mercilessly. The Guladeens fought their hardest, and while they managed to deal a grevious blow to the invading army, they could not defeat the General's unpredictable and ingenious strategies or his soldier's superior training. After seven days, they finally succumbed, and Gulaya was overrun.
After the grueling battle, the General was impressed with the Guladeen's mettle, and so decided to pay a personal visit to its capitol, Miya, to see just what it was that made the people of this tiny little country fight so fiercely.
One day during his visit, he was walking down the street to his house, when a glob of mud hit him in the back of the head. Turning around, he saw a young girl, dirty and ragged, feet bare and one leg crooked. Her dark eyes were full of an enraged hatred, and as he looked at her she drew herself up, absolutely fearless. "Go ahead and kill me! I have nothing left to live for, now that you've taken everything I love away from me." she declared.
The General looked at her. And looked. And looked.
And then he turned around, and continued on his way, showing no sign of what of had passed, except the for the mud still trickling down his neck.
***
Bo was never a welcome sight. This he knew better than anyone else. He took pride in it. He made sure of it.
That is, when it counted for something. When a small-time thug saw a big, muscled man with a face that not even a mother could bring herself to love, they cowered and did whatever it was the big man asked. It worked for him in Borem, the big city. There, it made him Boss.
Here, though, Bo had to walk carefully. He had to tone it down, make himself smaller. And there was nothing he hated more than having to force himself to be small.
It was certainly a good thing he was leaving soon.
The farmer sat on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest, body rigid. His eyes were on the floor, unwillingly glancing up every now and again at the stranger sitting in the corner. Bo leaned against the wall, arms crossed, watching him. It was sort of funny, in a sad way. He really hadn't done anything to scare the poor fellow, he'd just knocked on the door and invited himself in. Thinking about it, Bo knew that it would have been smarter to have waited for an invitation, but he didn't have time to be polite.
He leaned forward, resting his crooked nose on his interlaced fingers. He had to think carefully about how to do this. If he scared the man too badly, he wouldn't find out anything. He had to be gentle. He couldn't push too hard.
"So." Bo said. "I've heard a rumor."
The farmer glanced at him. Eyes wide with terror.
Inwardly, Bo felt a small chuckle. This man must have some interesting secrets, to be acting this way. Any other day, he'd have some fun teasing him for a bit longer. Now, though, he didn't have time for that. He needed to get moving as soon as possible. "A woman stopped by here a few days ago. A tall woman, with black hair, wearing armor. Carrying a shield."
The man's eyes flickered. Yes, Bo thought. Finally. Someone who knows.
"A....a woman?" the man stammered. "With a shield?"
"Yes, yes. A shield." Bo leaned forward even further, meeting the man's watery brown eyes with his own shrewd yellow ones. "A big shield. With a picture of a winged bull on the back."
"Yes." the man swallowed. "I - I've seen it. I remember a woman like that."
Bo's eyes didn't leave his face. The man shrank away, unable to return his stare to the floor.
"Tell me."
Bo's voice was quiet. All the friendliness was gone from it.
The man swallowed again, Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
"L-look, I don't want any trouble-"
"Now, see," Bo said, in that same quiet voice, "I don't give a damn about that. I don't care at all about what you don't want. The point is what I want, here. And what I want is for you tell me what you know about this woman."
"What I know?" the man stammered. He starting to panic. "I don't know anything! Sh-she just came here, and then she left -"
A large, hairy hand grasped his shoulder. The man halted in mid-speech.
"She never leaves nothing behind." Bo said quietly. "She never just takes. She trades. And she never keeps secrets. Not even from strangers."
The man swallowed.
Bo leaned in. His eyes did not waver, or even blink.
"Tell. Me."
"Sh-she just told a story." the man muttered. "Nothing more than that. My children like stories. I don't have much imagination. She was....she was doing me a service, telling them a story."
The hand loosened on his shoulder. The eyes broke contact for a moment, glancing around the house. "Where are your children?" Bo asked.
"With their mother. In town. It's market day."
"I see." His eyes returned to his face. They weren't as fearsome as before, but they still sent shivers down the man's neck. "What story was this?"
"Just...just something about a castle in the mountains."
Bo raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Y-yes."
He released the man's shoulder, leaning back. His heavy brow furrowed.
"A castle in the mountains....a castle....wait a moment." Bo stood up, eyes widening. "Wait. A castle in the mountains. One of the tallest mountains. Touching the clouds. That's what she said, isn't it?"
"Yes." the man said, shrinking back. "Yes, th-that's what she said."
"I remember that." Bo murmured. "She talked about that, before."
The poor man was completely lost. All he could was shrink, hoping that the man would forget he was there.
"She said she wanted to see it." Bo went on, talking entirely to himself now. He turned away, looking towards the window. "The House in the Clouds. I remember now."
He stared out the window, seeing the outline of the mountain pass through the curtain.
"Can you tell me," he said slowly, "Which mountain is the highest?"
"Mount Tolir," the man said. "It's Mount Tolir. That's the highest one."
"Where is it?"
"Just....just twenty miles to the n-northwest." the man's voice stumbled, relieved at the thought that Bo might leave him alone.
"Twenty miles. And to climb it? What does that take?"
"C-climb it?"
Bo was only half listening. He was already on his way out the door.
Seeing him go, the man's frame slumped, as he let out a deep sigh of relief.
***
Bo had set out from Borem several weeks before. It had been a grueling task, tracking that cursed girl all the way from where they had seperated all those months ago. It was impressive, really, how much ground she had managed to cover on foot. From the western coast all the way to the foothills of Yolir pass
Impressive, indeed.
Bo now made his way up a steep hillside trail, taking long, quick strides. It was getting to be dark; the golden-orange light from the sun filtered through the tree branches, casting a peaceful green glow on the trail. The sky was a dark purple color, slowly dimming as the sun went down. Soon, it would be evening.
Bo hadn't thought of making camp. He'd just headed in the direction the farmer had given him and hadn't stopped. Now, however, he slowed down, feeling his determination falter.
He finally knew where to go, after all this time, after all he'd wasted on so many false leads. The farmer had been a miracle - he'd nearly given up hope of finding her at all. He had begun to believe that she had gone forever, far beyond his reach.
He knew now, though. He knew where she was going.
The House in the Clouds.
Bo's stride grew slower and slower, until finally he stopped altogether. The sun was almost gone, the light nearly faded. He looked around, running a hand over his hair. He supposed there must be some sort of clearing nearby - after all, this was a traveler's road.
He looked dubiously down at the path, and then at the trees. "Leaving the trail to find a place to camp....suppose there must be sense in it somewhere," he muttered. He wasn't used to this sort of thing. Dark forests and sleeping on dirt was something he had lived in the city to avoid.
This is all my fault, Bo thought resignedly. If I could just find her, everything will be worth it. All the mud, money, and time....
But Haven knew Luthe never made anything easy. It just wasn't her way.
So....this is the story I've sort of been working on. Thus far, I have done almost no editing (okay, that's a lie - I redid the prologue(ish) part. But that's IT) so it's pretty unpolished. But I'm going to see this story to the bitter end. And THEN I'm going to edit and re-write. Because I enjoy torturing myself. :D
ReplyDeleteDefinitely see it to the end before you go back and edit.
ReplyDeleteThat said ... actually, it's really, really good. It has a lot of charisma to it. I like your worldbuilding. I like the general character. Your work has a sort of a Taran Wanderer feeling to it. I don't know exactly what it was that really caught my eye (I only just started reading it and I have to get back to writing, so I haven't gotten very far).
I think what I like about your prologue in particular is your audacity and artistry. I like the second version of the prologue better (not in italics). I'm not a fan of first person in stories like these. I think it's distracting, because so few records from ancient times are recorded in the first person (scriptural writers are almost unique in that, because spiritual experiences are by nature subjective and individual).
But again, I like the artistic audacity. It has a feel of real, worthy literature even from the start, with the little that we have, and rough and unpolished as it is. I kind of get sorta the same feeling reading that that I get writing my Valles Marineris story ... where everything about it feels right.
So ... I'm not sure what you did. Really. But it was good. Try to keep the artistic purity of what you had going, would be my advice.
The general in particular is good. His character is interesting, and interesting characters ... well, you showed him doing something interesting and out of the ordinary in the beginning. He showed an interest in the people, and went to them, and allowed a little girl to yell nasty things and throw dirt at him (only she talks with words beyond her years), completely in conflict with what one might expect. Which makes him interesting.
ReplyDeleteI am really glad to hear that, because that was the part of my story that I felt the least certain about.
ReplyDeleteI love reading stories of that sort, though - simple, but with that mythical quality about it. I really tried to put that same quality into my writing, and it's good to know that it's actually sort of working.
By the way, have you ever read Wise Child? Just curious. Anyways.