In other silliness, this was originally posted on my personal blog. Looking at it, I decided that it qualified for being posted here. Just flow with it.
You know, it's only the beginning of the year and I've already got what is called "senioritis". For those few weird people who don't know, "senioritis" is this condition that high school seniors develop, usually towards the end of the year, where they just stop caring about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Basically, you just want the school year to end so that you can grab your high school diploma and get on with your life. You're sick and tired of sitting in the classroom counting the minutes until the class is over, you're sick and tired of looking at colleges and getting good grades (or not, in some cases), you're sick and tired of worrying about everything from where you're going to live next year to how you did on that stupid English test - after four years you just want it to END.
Sound familiar? No? Oh, you poor, sorry excuse for a human being.
As you might imagine, this is a very unhealthy condition to be developing this early in the year. But the thing is, I don't care about anything anymore, so I can't really bring myself to be concerned about it.
However, in the attempt to make myself concerned about it, I did a lot of thinking. You know, about the future. And stuff.
And I realized....
This is a very....trying step in my life, to say in the least. This is practically my last year living at home.
But....to tell the truth? I'm not entirely unhappy about it.
It's not that I won't miss my parents, or living at home. When I leave this house, I am going to be shouldering the responsibilities of being independent - I will be, in essence, an adult. Well, sort of. My parents will help pay for my tuition and stuff, but that's beside the point.
What I mean is, I am moving on with my life. Which is both absolutely terrifying and quite possibly the most exciting thing I have ever done. Sort of a conflicting that way. So I am both terrified and excited.
When I went into high school, and while I was IN high school, I have had people tell me:
"You know, these are the best years of your life. High school is the best time you'll ever have. It doesn't get much better than that."
Well, I thought reflectively to myself, if this is as good as my life will ever get, my life is totally going to suck.
My entire life, school and I have had something of a hate/hate relationship. I hated it, It (in all its sentient glory) hated me. And despite many attempts (and believe me, there were many), there was no reconciling this. I tried having a positive attitude, smiling at everything (didn't work - only increased my reputation as some sort of crazy hermit person, only in the form of a teenage girl), trying to get good grades (I am such a skillful procrastinator that this never worked), trying to take an interest in my subjects, etc. Nothing worked. And so, somewhere in my elementary school years, I gave up. And so when people told me that these are the best years of my life (they STILL tell me this - they actually seem to tell me a lot more often, now that I'm a senior), I felt a deep pit of depression sink through my chest and give me a horrible stomachache.
In the middle of my junior year, though, I decided something: that whole 'high school is the best' thing is crap. Maybe they're the best times for the popular kids who've got it made in high school, but let's face it - that's just sad. I've known people who just never got their heads out of their high school years, and look back on them with wistful regret, never getting on with their lives because they're convinced that the climax of their lives has already passed. That's not going to be me, no sir. As far as I'm concerned, the day I finally take that high school diploma and do a little victory dance on the stage (probably involving the worm), my life will finally BEGIN. I mean, not that my life isn't going on right now, but that's when I'll be OUT and into THE WORLD.
My lands, what a frightening thought.
Recently, one of my teachers made a surprisingly wise statement: "Here's the facts, kids: high school is weird. It's full of all this stupid drama and adjustment and all this other crap. Life outside of high school is not like that. High school isn't what life really is. Life is different, and it's a whole lot better, if you ask me."
Well said.
That's not a word-for-word quote, of course, but that's the gist of it. And it's true. High school IS weird. It's full of a bunch of kids who are doing a lot of growing in a very short amount of time. They aren't adults, they aren't children, they're somewhere in between. And it's a tough adjustment, one that is full of, yes, drama and all this other crap. So it really isn't logical to assume that life in the outside world is like that, too.
I like that. If there is one thing that I have absolutely no qualms about, it's leaving high school behind me. And you can be sure that I will only look back when I'm having troubles with my life, and need to remember that although my life isn't easy, it could be a heckuva lot worse.
Because the truth is, life gets better after high school. And that's a fact.
Oh, yes. Well, I enjoyed high school, but lemme tell ya, looking back, I'm so glad it's over. I mean, I miss some things about it, but by far, right now in my life, for me, is cooler than high school ever was. In high school, I (a) was not doing an internship at Disney World (b) was not staying up till 2 in the morning doing homework and, in some sick way, enjoying it [go figure], I (c) did not speak fluent Portuguese, I (d) wasn't on my way to getting a degree, I (e) wasn't seriously thinking about my career... I dunno, it's fun! Looking back, I realize that about half of those points are some that a lot of people consider negative, but I'm having a BLAST with it. So. College is good. I bet whatever comes next is better. Nothing beats being 4, though... no school or anything. Just eating those crackers and drinking that apple juice and hurling yourself about at everyone else's expense. You weren't even responsible if you leapt from a 40-story building! Someone ELSE was responsible for letting you get there! See, if anyone starts reveling in their high school 'glory days' at the expense of their current life, remind them that their glory days ended when they entered kindergarten.
ReplyDeleteWell, you know, I'm sort of hoping that my glory days are still coming. :)
ReplyDeleteTrue, True and TRUE! Laura, I'm more like you. High school had some fun moments, some OK moments, but mostly it sucked. I had "friends" who treated me like crap, a few friends who were sort of fun to be around but you know what? Only ONE of them is still someone I hang out with today, and that only because she coincidentally lives not far from me, and I've been friends with her since we were 8.
ReplyDeleteCollege is MUCH better in a lot of ways, though you'll find some things are reminiscent of high school, especially if you live with all college freshman that first year. But eventually you realize... there are other people in the world, just like you, who don't care about cliques or social posturing... they want to be REAL and they are friends with other REAL people.
If I'm allowed to give a piece of advice it is this: Be yourself, be unashamed, and be happy with who you are and then, not only will you be happy but others will see exactly what they love about you, almost as soon as they meet you (and you and I both know there's a lot to love about you.)
I'm excited for you!!! So excited... you've already made some awesome choices and you're going to love all the stuff you learn.